Not much happening...

Once again I have returned from a very long absence. Sometimes things in life are just easier for me to handle and this blog is something that I want to keep real and sometimes the real things going on in my life are things that I don't want to deal with. So I have always been one of those people who when things get tough I start to ignore that part of my life and move on in other aspects. So here it is... another month another BFN. However next month starts a new chapter in our TTC journey and we hope that it is a positive one. We never thought things would come this far but knowing that I have been diagnosed with blood clotting disorders (thats right more than one) we have to make sure we do things right. I want to be here to raise our children together. It is an exciting time in our lives for sure but trying to say the least. I have never been good on relying on God's perfect timing but know that this situation is totally and completely out of our control.

In the meantime we keep ourselves busy filling up our time with happier things such as movies which we have spent a small fortune on lately. I feel like God has pushed us down this path because Neal and I needed to appreciate the alone time we have together now. Yes we have been together nearly 10 years but we have always been so busy and rarely have time to just enjoy each others presence. It has been nice to spend time with Neal. I have told him on many different occasions that I feel like even though this has been the hardest times for us in so many ways it has been the best thing in our marriage. I am lucky to have a fully supportive yet secretive husband who considers this to be our battle together in life that few are aware of or know much about. I think it is widely known that we have had a couple of miscarriages but nobody really knows this journey we have been on TTC. God knows what he is doing and he is working wonderful things in our marriage.

On a side note Neal and I are looking into a new place to move. We are still wanting to rent because we haven't decided where we would like to end up and have a few more bills to pay off before we decide our final destination. It is exciting to look for new places but I dread it soo much. I moved a lot when I was younger and I have enjoyed planting roots somewhere but sometimes all good things come to an end and you know that it is time to move on so keep us in your prayers that we find the right place for us and our little zoo i.e. 2 dogs and 3 cats. All I ask is for a dishwasher and an inside laundry room and I will be one happy girl.

I have become obsessed with blogs and love how real people are it is so nice to read and share your struggles with some one else going through similar things. I don't want to turn my blog into a infertility blog because that isn't our problem but I want it to be a place where I can share without judgement. If our families happen to read it I hope they respect that this is our life and together we are making decisions regarding our future and our small family.

until the next post...