On the second day I started to realize that Madisen was getting really fussy and hard to keep happy. The morning nurse came into our room and noticed Madisen was getting a little bit of jaundice. GREAT!!! We would have to wait until the Dr. came back through to check on our baby to be able to go home, and with her having jaundice we could only hope her levels were low enough that we could go home and put her next to a window and cuddle our sweet bundle of joy in the privacy of our own home. Plus think about actually nursing her and not having the added stress of the nurses from hell. :) Dr. Swanson came by and released me to go home and several minutes later the pediatrician came by. He told us that Madisen was beautiful and everything looked good. As much as I didn't want to mention to him about the nurse saying Madisen looked jaundice I had to protect my daughter. I told him what the nurse had said and he took a closer look at Madisen and said that he would have to look at her levels and get back to us. Oh no it seemed my dream of going home that day was fading fast.
Several hours later the nurse came back in and told us that Madisen's levels were too high and she would need to be put in the light box. I must say this is the first time that I realized I was a mom. To see your baby put in a box with a little mask on her face was unbearable. I cried like a baby even knowing she wasn't in pain or uncomfortable but I wanted her to be healthy and not have to wear a mask. She was so little and tiny and I couldn't hold her only to feed. It was terrible and even Neal was having a hard time with it. The crazy part was several hours later after the roommate from hell finally left Neal and I were in the room alone were I could look out the window and sit next to the AC unit. I told myself I could do another night in this room if we had the room to ourselves. The nurse came in and threw Neal and I for a loop. She asked us when we wanted to go home. We looked at one another like OMG we get to go home. That is when she dropped the bomb, "You are going home, baby is staying." WTF, I don't think so, I am not leaving my baby girl. The nurse basically told us that they were out of room and because my doctor released me I had to go home. But that Madisen would be in the best of care...RIGHT! How can that be possible the only one who loves her as much as I do is her father and how can a nurse provide that? I mean I would have slept in a trash can if it meant I could be next to my baby. Well a couple of minutes later I was walking my baby to the nursery crying like someone was ripping my insides out. How can you ask a mother to leave her newborn? Just thinking about it while I write makes me want to cry all over again. I pleaded with the nursery nurse to take good care of my baby. She promised that she would. Moments later Neal and I loaded into our car, without or little girl and headed to the nearest hotel. No way was I going to go all the way home and be 45 minutes away from my baby.
First thing in the morning I called the hospital to check on Madisen and the operator told me that they didn't have a patient by that name. OMG my heart sunk and I was at a loss, I think I told the nurse well you better figure that out because my little girl was left in the nursery...that is when she stopped me and said she would transfer me there. Thankfully when the nursery answered they said that Madisen was doing well and that she was just getting a feeding and had a big ol poopy diaper. That's my girl :)
Several minutes later we left the hotel to go see our baby and hopefully get to take her home. When we got to the nursery I cried as I held our baby girl again. To make matters worse they were having a stork tour and I had a group of like 30 parents to be staring at me probably wondering what was wrong with my daughter that she had to be in the nursery, praying that when their child was born they would not be in my shoes, can't say I don't blame them. Finally, the Dr. came. He requested some blood work before he would let us go home. Because Madisen was sleeping the nurses suggested we go run errands or get something to eat and that they would call as soon as they had any answers.
We headed to Babies R Us. I mean if we couldn't be with our baby we could at least spend money on her. I had to laugh for 9 months Neal gave me hell about all the money I had been spending on Madisen and this day he realized there money was no object when it came to our little girl. I literally had to stop him from buying everything. It was hilarious but amazing to watch him make this huge change. But what he did next shocked me and continues to shock me. He bought a "baby on board" sign for his precious manly car. I just smiled and thanked God silently for giving Madisen such a good daddy. About two hours later we got the call...we could take our baby home. Putting Madisen into her car seat and driving away was the happiest and scariest moment ever. As we drove away I looked back and saw the "baby on board" sign and smiled because it meant our life as a family had finally began. I told Neal to hurry and drive away before they changed their minds. Driving home I stared at her the whole way in pure amazement that God had blessed us with such a wonderful gift and that 4 years of waiting really were worth it all. I also thought about our two little ones in heaven and prayed that they would watch over their baby sister and keep her safe in our arms forever.
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