Dear Madisen,

I have to tell you that Mommy will no longer be able to spend every day with you. You see before you came along I had a job in which I went to work every day and brought home the big bucks (haha). Anyways, I have loved these last three months home with you more than words can even describe. I feel so fortunate that God made is possible to spend this time with you to bond with you and love you wholeheartedly and to really get to know you. It was so important to me to be able to spend this time with you so that you really knew me and that you felt safe and comforted and loved by me.

Wow, I really didn't think that this would be this hard, I really didn't but I actually feel my heart ripping out the closer and closer we get to Friday. But I have my reasons and I stand behind my decision 100%. I know that you will always know me as your mother which is above all else the most important thing to me as well as your safety and security while you are not with me every day.

You will be staying with your Grandma Deborah who loves you almost as much as I do. She has a room all set up especially for you. To be honest she has a lot more cooler toys for you than we have for you at home. She has made sure that when you are with her you feel as close to home as possible.

While rocking you to sleep today I heard a George Strait song..I cross my heart. You know how I like my lyrics. They made me cry today thinking about my tough decision to leave you in someone else's arms for 7 hours a day but they also reminded me why I am doing it as well.

Here are some of the lyrics:


I cross my heart
And promise too
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true
In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's a breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet
As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be



Going back to work is my promise to give all I have to give to make all of your dreams come true. Your Daddy and I had great lives growing up but there are so many things that we want to provide for you and do with you that we may not have necessarily had the chance or means to do when we were younger. I am not talking about materialistic things but things such as college. I never want you to settle for any college because financially it is all we can afford. I want you to go the best college and the best schools and make your decision based on what your dreams are and who you want to be when you grow up. I also want you to be able to spread your wings and find your world and make something for yourself on your own because I can already tell you will be so independent. I want to be able to send you to the best elementary and middle schools to be sure you get the best education. I also want to provide you with a good model of what it means to be a hard worker and to succeed in society. I like being able to go to work and socialize and earn my paycheck. It has always been a part of me to work. I went to college to have a good job and I spent a lot of money on that education and working fulfills me and I believe that by being fulfilled I will be a better Mommy to you and I will be able to have more to give to you emotionally.

My dream is to someday in the very near future buy our first house and I hope that house serves as your childhood home. I moved like crazy growing up but I want for you to put down roots and to be able to always come home to your home. I want to create memories in our home and traditions and this can't be possible if I do not go to work. Many may not agree but I am not talking about their lives I am talking about ours and my hopes and dreams for you. I never knew what it was like to live in the same place and grow up there and really create roots and have a house full of memories and I want that for you.

There will be times when things will be tough but I pray that you never see us struggle financially. I hope by me working we will always be financially secure. I hope that you learn how to balance a budget and save for nice things. I might be a banker but it took me a long time to figure out how not to blow all of my money and I hope that Daddy and I can show you how to maintain a budget and learn how to save and to stay away from the evil credit cards.

It is really the truth that you will never find a love as true as mine. I love you with every bone, cell and fiber of my body and I never understood this type of love until I gave birth to you Madisen. I used to think your Grandma was crazy in how much she loved me but from the moment I saw your heart beat on the monitor I knew exactly what it felt to be that in love. I will always strive to protect you and love you as much as humanly possible.

You have been the miracle that makes my life complete. Your father and yourself have really made me whole. There were so many words to this song that reassures me of my going back to work. That is not to say that Friday isn't going to crush my heart and that I am not going to cry all day long. I chose to go back on a Friday so that way it was not a whole week before I got to spend a full day with you. I know that emotionally I am going to be a wreck and to be apart from you is going to kill me. But I have to remind myself that I am doing what I believe to be best for our family. I hope that you know how much I would die to be with you every day but I want what is best for you and your future and I truly believe that by me working you will be able to foster independence and have a much greater life.

I am crying as I write this and I hope you know how difficult this decision was to make but I also know that by going to work now I will be able to be home with you later when you go to school. I will be able to work part time and not have to worry about finances. I will be able to be there to pick you up from school and see your big smile because I am there waiting for you and you don't have to take the bus. I will be able to help you with your homework and take you to your sporting practices. By going back to work now I will be able to be there for you when I feel you will really need me the most. Again some may not agree but then again this is not their choice or circumstance. Plus me going back to work now means you get to have siblings. It is expensive to have babies and I want to give you as many siblings as your Daddy will let me so it is important that I work now to take care of our future. I hope that someday you understand this. Or maybe you will be like me and really appreciate that you had a Mommy who worked hard and that you were able to make some of your lifelong best friends in daycare. I also know that by being in daycare I was able to learn faster and from others and that is my hope for you later as you get a little older. But don't you worry you won't be in just any daycare I will make sure you are in the best daycare.

That is it. It may not explain exactly how I feel but it is something I needed to get off of my chest. Society makes you feel so guilty for wanting to be a working mother. But I have done the research and there has been no research proving that a stay at home mom vs a working mom creates better or smarter children. So with all this said, I will miss you every second of every day that I am away from you. I will cry in the bathroom silently :) but know in my heart I am doing what is best for you and my promise is to always do what is best for you. I love you sweetheart and I will carry you with me all day long. In fact since you have been born I have worn my Madisen necklace every day and as I go back to work on Friday it will make me feel like I am carrying a part of you with me at all times.

Love you to the moon,

Mommy